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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24242011">And the Rivers Won't Run Dry</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Queer_TREX/pseuds/Queer_TREX'>Queer_TREX</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>The Politician (TV 2019)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Angst and Feels, Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon until that one scene, Drabble, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Hopeful Ending, I did this for me cause I needed him to stay alive, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Payton Hobart has feelings, River Barkley Lives, Ryan why couldn't it just be an attempt, Suicide Attempt, emphasis on attempt, he deserves better, okay here goes nothing, over use of Ben Platt lyrics, you know the one</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-05-18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-05-18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-02 20:14:59</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,269</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24242011</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Queer_TREX/pseuds/Queer_TREX</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>So I just watched The Politician last week and listened to Sing to Me Instead today and just had to contribute. This was written for my love for Ben, Payton, and of course River. He didn't have to go out like that. I do not consider myself a writer, but I am an enthusiast so here's a lot of words I mashed together to make this.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>River Barkley/Payton Hobart</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>35</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>And the Rivers Won't Run Dry</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Payton feels mad. Payton feels <b>irate</b>. He is furious. </p><p>
  <em> How Dare He?! He has the whole school in love with him already... And then he pulls that shit?! And now <strong>he</strong> has Skye Leighton. McAfee should have that first! </em>
</p><p>After he's done yelling at River, he's gonna send a very livid text to his campaign managers about this. <em> He can't just do that! Not to my campaign, not to me...  </em></p><p>Payton feels hurt. Stung. Guilt. </p><p>
  <em> I should have seen...  </em>
</p><p>He works himself in a frenzy as he stands in front of the mirror, gathering himself. He wants to feel pure rage, but he looks at himself in the mirror and all his emotions are displayed, open. Too vulnerable. <em> Hurt. Mistrust. Guilt. Guilt. </em>He blinks away the sorrow and in an instant, he is unreadable even to himself. He shakes his head and focuses on his anger. "How dare you, River Barkley!?" He screams to no one but himself as he leaves. He latches onto his rage.</p><p>He doesn't want to think about River's speech, the timing of it all, when he almost...<em> No. He's manipulative. He's using Skye. Fucking Astrid’s fault! I should be doing that! How dare he, the little traitor, well tall traitor...tall and... No! FOCUS. </em>He's thinking too much, feeling too many things, putting himself in a vicious loop. He looks up to realize he's already standing in front of River's door.</p><p> </p><p>He slams it open with the ferocious gusto of all his pent up aggression, "HOW DARE YOU!-"</p><p>It's like all the air dissipates from his lungs, and every molecule begins to swell from his eyes. He told himself he wouldn't cry. <em> Not supposed to happen</em>. He didn't expect River to ...look the way he does. When he busted in, River’s back was turned away and now he's looking directly at Payton. His face is easily recognizable, Payton saw that in himself just a moment ago. </p><p> </p><p>Payton feels fear. </p><p> </p><p>"Hi, Payton." He utters <em>too </em>gently. </p><p>Payton knows River. He's trying to regain his facade. Just as he did, practicing on the way here. It seems so pointless now. They're both failing. And by the utterance of his name from River, in a rush, all of his anger is gone. Replaced by a moment of selfless clarity. </p><p>
  <em> River didn't run to win or because of Astrid. He wanted to be seen... not by everyone else, but by me. I've been pushing him away and this was the only way I… </em>
</p><p>Payton feels just as broken and seen as the first time they met. The campaign is gone from his mind, what he thought was important yesterday doesn't mean anything compared to who's in front of him now. He closes the space between them and grasps onto River fiercely. And River, all he can do is concede and wrap his arms around Payton’s waist, their faces resting cheek to cheek.</p><p>He cards his fingers through Payton's hair and whispers, "I'm sorry." So raw and reverent, Payton snaps back with almost as much tenacity when he entered, "No!”  “Nonononono," his voice calming slowly as he somehow grips River tighter.</p><p>"No, River. It's me. I'm sorry. You have <span class="u">seen</span> me, you've always seen me and I couldn't have that. I saw it as a weakness. So it made me see you as a weakness. I never should have let you feel that way. I was being selfish. I am selfish, but you aren’t. River, you're the strongest person I know." </p><p>He can feel the wet of River's tears against his face, and his silent sobs are felt throughout Payton's entire body. "Please. I need you." Payton speaks his words forthright, "Please, I want to see <em>you. </em>I won't run away." The last two words barely could be heard if he weren't speaking them directly into River's ear. </p><p>Time seems to pass slowly and quickly all at once, they eventually pull away what could have been a few seconds or a few minutes later. River looks at him with wide eyes so full of emotion. Payton hopes he sees the light that he knows is still in there too. Payton can only dream he's right as he catches River's hand in his. He hopes this to be a new beginning when he feels River grip his hand back. </p><p> </p><p>Payton feels atonement.</p><p> </p><p>Just in a moment, River's hand falls away and Payton already misses his warmth. He's forgotten how cold he's become without him there. River's face is still raw and tinged in red, but his tears have stopped. His eyebrows scrunch together in pain as he turns back towards his desk. </p><p>Payton feels incomplete. For a brief moment, he felt what it meant to be whole. Before he can stutter out another breath.</p><p> </p><p>There it is. A gun. There is a Gun in River's hand. </p><p> </p><p>Payton feels panic. He can't keep up. His mouth, for the first time, is rendered speechless. </p><p> </p><p>When River turns, his eyes are glassy, staring at Payton's painful dubious expression. "Payton, I feel...everything. I don't think I can anymore." </p><p> </p><p>Payton feels helpless. It's happening again. Untethered. His beacon is crumbling before him, and all he can do is stare.</p><p> </p><p>"I really did love you."</p><p> </p><p>Before Payton can stop him, River hesitates for a split second. And that's the window Payton needs to do something, try anything to actually help. </p><p> </p><p>"River." His voice is a broken whisper mixed in shock and full of love. Their eyes stay locked as Payton pulls himself steadily, slowly and softly closer to River's body. River has always been his anchor, it's his turn now.</p><p> </p><p>"Please. Breathe with me. Nice and deep." </p><p>He tenderly grabs River's empty hand. </p><p>"One."</p><p>River closes his eyes tight while Payton leaves his wide open. He needs to see him.</p><p>"Two."</p><p>He doesn't want this to be the last time he gets to hold him like this. </p><p>"Three."</p><p>He takes in River's other hand. Grasping the gun and putting the safety on with a soft click in a fluid motion. River takes in a breath and his face minutely relaxes. </p><p>"Four."</p><p>Payton's steps away gently. Tugging the gun from River's now pliant hands. </p><p> </p><p>River opens his eyes with a fresh rawness of pain attached, the added guilt is clear, "I'm-"</p><p> </p><p>"No." Payton coos gently. "Let's keep breathing. One." They both take in audible breath and River closes his eyes once more. Payton can tell he's trying.  </p><p>"Two." He lowers the gun to the ground.</p><p>"Three." He moves it far from either of them as he rises back up. He actually focuses on both their breaths as he utters out, "Four." </p><p>River’s eyes open and Payton can see he looks calmer, as one can when there's a hurricane inside them. Payton tries to form the words, as his heart is breaking and repairing all at once.</p><p> </p><p>"<span>You feel everything. Well, so do I. The sky will still be up there, and the sun will always shine. The mountains won't start moving and the rivers won't run dry. The world will always be there and so will I. Tell me you don't wanna leave, because if change is what you need, you can change right next to me. I know right now you can’t promise, but please just try. I’ll be right here too, trying to ease your mind."</span></p><p> </p><p>River traces where the gun is all the way up to Payton's face, open and scared. His eyes displaying all of his guilt and shame to hope, admiration, and unyielded love. He's made his choice.</p><p> </p><p>And there's that smile. </p><p> </p><p>Payton feels seen. Payton feels optimistic. Payton feels love. </p><p><br/>
<br/>
<br/>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>THANKS FOR READING THIS COMMENTS AND KUDOS ARE APPRECIATED. I appreciate all feedback cause I still love writing even though I don't do it as much but I want to get better. </p><p>So I love Ben Platt and everything he does. This was written for me to see the beginning of what could have been. Less trauma. I think if this would have happened it would have just added a new layer to Payton's character. The Candidate. The Son. and The Partner. Another side of him we didn't get to see because of how broken he was. River could have made Astrid his step in because he was taking time to recover and through that finally finished things with Astrid and that could have been another driving force for her to run away. Payton could have turned to River for REAL and gotten REAL advice with the same love and devotion in his eyes as his illusion. Payton would still lose and River would be there to get him through it. THE POSSIBILITIES!</p><p>Please come scream with me on tumblr about Ben and The Politician PLZ @queertrex</p></blockquote></div></div>
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